Happy Birthday to Me!

That's right--I turn 29 on Friday. Birthdays have taken on special significance for me since my 25th birthday. Driving around on that day, I discovered an overwhelming feeling of my own mortality. (A professor friend of mine calls this "ontological shock"--an feeling that we recognize that at some point we will cease to be.) At that same time, I had a couple of friends my same age who were diagnosed with terminal illnesses. I realized that at least 25% of my life had been lived and most of that in school. Where was it all going?

I have done something each year since that lets me take a step back and gain some perspective on life. One year I decided to get a better hold of my finances. Two years ago I started this blog. This year, I'm rejoining a gym to get a better handle on my health.

There's something about my birthday that reminds me about how I spend my time. I realize that there's two aspects to time-- chronos and kairos. Chronos is the straightforward, second by second, moment by moment, movement of time. It's the daily routine of our lives. It seems to go by faster each year since I've had to pay my own bills. We often become slaves to this aspect of time, always punching the clock. It has the upper hand on us (or at least those of us who aren't super-planners!).

Then there's kairos time--moments in regular time where we sense the presence of opportunity, promise, and possibility. My birthday has become this for me. This day is different than all the rest because it shows me that I can do something different if I choose to. Other kairos times in life have been: the beginning of a new school year, the death of friends and loved ones, new moves and transitions into new jobs, and the breaking and forming of relationships in life. Each of these moments are pregnant with possibilities that weren't available before. And I consider them to be gifts from God.

In Jesus' death and resurrection, we are reminded that time is moving somewhere. It has a purpose other than what may seem like the perpetual ticking of a clock. Time is going somewhere. Many have asked, "Where?" For us Christians, we know where time is going because God has revealed it to us in the cross and resurrection of Jesus. We are moving toward new life. The great Kairos moment of the resurrection reveals the temptation to treat time as a commodity or to let it rule our lives. All other times in life where we sense the presence of opportunity, promise, and possiblity we are sensing the presence of the resurrection. It breaks into our lives to remind us that what we have is holy, precious, and determined. It's determined to reach the resurrection life. Sometimes we are dragged there. Sometimes we can enjoy the ride. But often, if we're off track, those kairos moments help us redirect ourselves to enjoy the journey.

Here's to my latest kairos moment. May it remind me of the great Kairos that God has given us.